DATING AFTER DIVORCE

So as some of you may have read in my intro this blog is about my life, all things fun, interesting, wild, crazy etc. In my intro I mentioned I was divorced, so I guess there's no time like the present to get into this story...Strap in we're going on the divorce journey....

In 2001 I met the love of my life, I was a young teenage girl who was head over heels with some boy. We grew together, we complimented each other, we were good for each other. We dated for 5 years before we got married. I knew we were soul mates. He purposed to me 5 months after we had started dating, we were young and wanted that time to get to know one another, feel each other out etc so after that we decided we had been together long enough and it was time to take that next step. He had been with me through so much, he and I had a son who died, he was there for me through the death of my mother 3 years after our son had passed, he was a huge and major part of my life. 

He joined the military in early 2007 and we were married that same year in May. He moved me to Sunny Southern California in the end of that same year. (CONFESSION: I knew deep in my heart I was meant to be in Cali as a young child. I always knew I would be here, but never knew how, when, and why I would be here. I'm just so grateful that it happened the way it needed to and I am thankful, and happy to be able to be living here) He then left on a 5 month deployment. I was brand new to California, I didn't know a soul and now the only person I did know was leaving me again? We only spent a few days together from the time he joined the military, to the time we moved to Cali and in less than a month he would be off on a 5 month deployment? WOW whats a girl to do?

I should probably back up a little and say that I was a different person after my mother had died. She was my best friend, my hero, my everything and she was gone. She was gone in the blink of an eye at the age of 47. It was the worse time of my life and I have never been the same since. I suffered from a deep deep deep dark depression. I was hurt, I didn't know how to come out of that. I was devastated  I sheltered myself and made my husband my god. He became my everything, he became who I engrossed myself in. I didn't want to lose anyone else and I couldn't handle it. So I called myself trying to do everything I could so that he wouldn't leave me or tun his back on me. Well a lot of good that did me. 

Long story short once he returned from deployment he was different too, he had changed. I didn't feel him like I used to, I didn't feel our energy that was once so strong, it was beginning to fade and I didn't understand why. I then found a message that had been sent to him by someone else. Yep....the thing among other things that he promised to never do....he had did. I felt like a fool, I felt so stupid, how could he do this to me, I had barely been his wife a year and out of that year we spent 2 months together..barely, I had been his girl, his woman, the mother of his child, his lover, his friend and he betrayed me in the worse possible way. I felt like I meant absolutely NOTHING to this man. After finding out about his affair, he begged me not to leave, he begged me to stay and that we would work it out. "We've been through so much, I know we can get through this, I love you too much not to try, lets go to counseling. I'll set it up." He said, and I thought long and hard and I decided to try, try to salvage my marriage, my relationship, I took another chance. As, we sat in counseling week after week I felt like I was healing a lot from my past, and after that I could start healing from this incident, however it wasn't moving fast enough for him, so one day through a text message he sent me the words...and I quote "I can't do this anymore." and that was that.......the end of my 7-8 year relationship through a text message. My best friend, the love of my life, my knight and shining armor, the father of my child, my confidant, my husband, and my lover, left me through a text message. The years invested in our relationship, our friendship and our marriage all washed down the drain........

After a long hard few years I can look back at that little girl who sat on her big red couch, from "their" former two bedroom apartment into her lonely one bed room apartment, curled up in a ball, staring out the window looking at the sky and crying, and crying, and crying and crying. Why God?, why did this happen to me?, why did I deserve this hurt and pain?, what do I do now?, you took my son, 3 years later you took my mother, and 3 years after that you take my husband? "JUST TAKE ME" I shouted, JUST TAKE ME....why keep me here to deal with this crap. Yea that girl..I can honestly look back and still cry but for a completely different reason. I cry because I can still see that girl, but I also see that woman she has become and how far she has come. This break-up and this tragedy did not kill her. Me, I'm not dead because the man that was the love of my life then....decided to leave me for another woman. I am not dead and my heart has been mended back together! I can breathe again, I can smile again, I can laugh again, I can move on. It hasn't been easy living here in So Cal, dealing with this divorce and now continuing to picking up the pieces of my life. Short of being born a baby again I have had to start my life completely over. Shattered broken heart and all I had to move on. I never received closer, I never received anything short of that text message, so with all of that I still had to move on and move forward. I still struggle everyday picking up the pieces of my life. Not my heart anymore but my life. I feel like I am finally in the position where I can say I think I am ready for a relationship, I'm not a man hater, I am ready to love, and be loved. 

I haven't been in the dating scene in a LONG WHILE and now I am officially ready, I can do this and I am ready and willing to do this....sooooo

DATING WORLD GET READY FOR ME!!!!

SS <3

The lyrics are somewhat fitting for this post

Avant ~Separated

FLAWED N FABULOUS

Hey beautiful people!! Hope you are enjoying the first week of October, also known as MY BIRTHDAY MONTH!!!! I'm so excited, and I have no idea why haha. I don't have anything special planned but I do believe there will be some special and awesome things that will happen for me this month. No matter how big or small I embrace it. With that said strap in we're going for a controversial ride cuz I like to push the envelope every now and then....

When you see this photo what is the first thing that comes to your mind? How do you feel about it?

I first saw this photo a couple of days ago and the caption under the photo said "I don't care what no one says this is not cool or healthy . Hit the gym" That comment outraged me. Who is this person to say those things? How would she know if they were or were not healthy? A person being plus size, heavy set, thick, fluffy or whatever word you use does not make them unhealthy. I myself am a thick fluffy woman and I not only go to the gym and workout(not as much anymore since my injury) but I am VERY healthy. However, this information is not from me but from a licensed professional called my DOCTOR....this woman is not a doctor and even if she was you cannot judge healthiness based on a photo. 

When I managed to get past the caption on the photo, this photo to ME was absolutely BEAUTIFUL. When I look at this photo I feel like I can identify with these women. Immediately you look to pick out which one resembles you, whether you do it subconsciously or consciously, we all do it. When we see a fashion magazine we look to see our style, we look to see what would look good on us, our favorite color, what would match our personality etc. Comparison is going on all the time. In a society where weight is a HUGE issue (no pun intended) and everyone that is portrayed in fashion magazines are a size zero its so hard to not think something is wrong with you. The average woman is a size 14. That's the average but society and the media would make you think the average woman is a size zero and anything over that is fat. Our children are picking up on this way as well. When our little girls look at the television they see these super models, and tv personalities they want to be like them, they want to look like them, dress like them etc. They are comparing themselves to these people, when they see these young girls they say I want to look like...I want to be tall like....I want my body shaped like....and the list goes on. I went shopping one day and heard a little girl say to her mom in the dressing room next to me, I wish my body looked like the girl from iCarly. (For all you big kids or parents with kids you know what I'm talking about) This little girl had to be no older than 8. See...comparison at it's finest. Why do we do this? Even if it's positive or negative the fact is we compare.

This is what we as a society and the media portrays skinny and not so skinny woman as. Do you agree? or is it just another Sterotype?

http://www.about-face.org/category/authors/stacey-jean-speer/

Looking at this picture makes me sad. Why can't we be happy in our own skin without having to tear someone else down in order to build ourselves up? In speaking of body image and comparison, when I see a magazine article I am not surprise to see someone's body plastered across it, but what does surprise me is an ad campaigns like the Dove real woman campaign because its not the norm. We have made size zero the norm, we have made small, skinny women the norm. We made hot skinny women in bikinis in every music video the norm. (CONFESSION: I need to stop here and make sure I let you all know I have no problem whatsoever with skinny woman, I am not a skinny woman hater at all. I think the female body was created beautiful just as I think the male body was created beautiful. I have no issue with those that want to lose weight and want to make a healthier lifestyle change etc. This is not what this post is about.) I can appreciate when I can see something outside of the norm. Seeing a plus size woman stomps the stereotypes, to come out and do a nude photo shoot. I'm fairly comfortable in my own skin but I do have some insecurities and in that I don't think I could do that. Skinny or not. When I see the Dove women, it shows that these are real everyday average (size 14) woman that I can relate to in some way, shape or form (again no pun intended...kinda haha) I think plus size woman have such a negative connotation attached to us, it's also the norm, however what surprised me about the picture above is that so do skinny women. In my head I thought everyone wants to be skinny, no one would look at the skinny girl and think twice but if a bigger woman walks by she all of a sudden needs to stay away from the buffet, go to the gym, and basically wear a bag over her head.

This is an anti fur campaign but when you see it, its deemed as hot, sexy, beautiful. To sum it up "the norm".

http://www.greenwala.com/channels/nature/blog/19178-Lingerie-Football-League-Ladies-Go-Nude-for-PETA-s-Anti-Fur-Campaign

Even though these women have stepped out of the box and taken these photos it does not mean that they do not suffer from body issues, it does not make one person or photo more beautiful than the other. As I said before I think the human body is beautiful, because I know we were all beautifully, fearfully and wonderfully made. We are all flawed but in our flawness we are all FABULOUS because we are fearfully and wonderfully made. We were knitted in our mother's womb, we were fashioned to be the way we are at this present moment. Will we always be this way, of course not. Our purpose in life is to grow, mature and excel. I have to learn something or grow every year so that I do not stay complacent. Do I think the plus size women in the photo struggle with body image, I am sure they do, do I think the smaller women in the photo  struggle with body image, again I am sure they do. I personally have yet to meet a person, not just a female or a male but a person in general that is okay with how they are. Every one of us want or wish we could change something.

http://www.lateenough.com/2012/05/what-is-victorias-secret-selling-and-why-does-it-work/

Even in looking at this photo I don't feel like I can relate to any of the models in this photo. I don't see myself in this photo and have no one to compare myself to. Do I feel its beautiful..yes of course but I also feel if it was plus size woman on the campaign I would think it was equally beautiful if not more and it would even spark my interest more. Maybe this whole this is about being able to identify with someone you see. I don't necessarily know why we have to identify but it helps when I see someone that reminds me of me, or struggles like I struggle or feels the way I do etc. It lets me know that I am not alone.

However, I do love the message in this campaign photo that says I LOVE MY BODY!!!! Big, small, short, tall, wide, narrow, dimple, wrinkle, cellulite, stretch marks and whatever else I LOVE MY BODY just the way I am in this moment, right now. How many of us can honestly say that? I can say that because I know who I am and whose I am. I know how I was created and I am content in that. No matter if I want to change things about myself or not, or wish I was this or that, does not take away from my contentment. There's nothing wrong with wanting to change or grow. It's apart of life, but I will not obsess and stress myself out trying to become a size everyone else says I should be. This is how eating disorders come about. I've been down that road and it's not pretty. I was obsessed with a three digit number every time I stepped on the scale, if it didn't read what I needed or wanted it to I would go throw up until it read what I needed and wanted it to. So to come so far from that to being content where I am is a HUGE step in the right direction.

It might be cliche but I think It's important that we as men and women must know and believe that we truly are amazing just the way we are!

I'm a work in progress but even in all of my FLAWNESS I am still FABULOUS 

SS <3

Thoughts, comments, suggestions, stories, feelings?? Please share below. And as always thank you for your love & support!!

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I love the lyrics in this song that says:

But don't hate on us, were fabulous

We're all that we've got
and no matter whatever together we'll weather the stormIT AIN'T A LOT, we all we got, it might get rough, but
it's alrightCause U-N-I-T-Y is all we need
To get our R-E-S-P-E-C-T
And never G-I-V-E U-P
And keep your H-E-A-D U-P
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CUFFING SEASON?!?!

It's the first week of October, my my where has the time gone? The year is almost over, it's beginning to look a lot like fall. For some the leaves are starting to change colors, the temperature is starting to drop, you are now seeing people in sweaters, or jackets, or other warmer clothing. The sun is still shining but the hot summer months have gone. For us in So-Call.....the temperature is still on HELL. Guess we didn't get the memo it's Fall Season.

So with that being said I have been seeing a lot of post, articles, tweets and facebook messages about it not being Fall Season but CUFFING SEASON....
What is cuffing season you ask? Cuffing is a termed coined (by I don't know who) that just basically means you have a man or female in your life. That special someone, your boo, your lover, your boy or girl toy etc etc. Cuffing Season is the time of year when all the spring/summer flings have diminished, or at least coming to an end. Its the colder months where you need that special someone to cuddle with, to sit by the fire and smooch with, the person you stay in and watch movies with, with a candle light dinner and wine before. Yea you know what I'm talking about.....(CONFESSION: I really miss those moments) 

So this in a nutshell is cuffing season. Why is it called that. I have no clue. I find it kind of weird myself but hey...it is what is. Have you ever heard of cuffing season? Of all my years on the earth I have never ever heard of cuffing season, I was really taken aback when I saw stuff about it. Apparently it's all the craze. I even read an article on how to prepare for cuffing season. It talked about anything from sexy lingerie, to how to shave or not shave, wax or not wax, landing strip or no landing strip.....yea it's a lil much to me so much information all at once hahaha. To each their own I suppose. 

So I am curious...as always. How many of my beautiful readers have heard of "Cuffing Season?" How do you prepare for cuffing season? Married or unmarried do you go the extra mile to make sure you are "right and tight" for the fall/winter months as you do for the spring/summer months? What are your thoughts about this coined word "Cuffing Season". Thoughts, comments, concerns? 

As always please share, subscribe & comment 

SS <3


5 Ways to Prep for Cuffing Season

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Cuffing Music

MONEY CAN'T BUY ME LOVE...OR A GOOD MEAL APPARENTLY

Since we were last on the topic of dating, I was reading an article today about the 8 money habits you shouldn't be cool with when it comes to dating and one of those habits was "Going Dutch". Here those wheels go a turnin again.

In the year 2012 is it considered politically correct to go dutch? Chivalry is dead, guys just don't care anymore, and girls are at the same place of just not caring anymore. What happened to chivalry, what happened to a guy asking a girl out on a date, opening her door, pulling her chair out, paying for dinner etc. We live in a world where women want to be considered as equals with a man but then we get pissed when he won't open the door for us. How did we get so far off course?

I personally enjoy the chivalry, I love when a man opens my door and allows me to walk through, I love when a man walks on the outside of the street to make sure I am safe, I love when a man pays for dinner and a movie. Maybe I still live in the 50's somewhere but I don't necessarily think we should give up on it.

At the same time, this whole going dutch thing...I'm okay with it to a certain degree. I feel like its not okay to go dutch ALL THE DANG TIME, I don't think it's okay to go dutch when the person you are dating has asked YOU out. I don't think it's necessarily okay to go dutch when you're on the first, second, third or fourth date (smile) I'm not sure when I think it's okay haha. I appreciate a good, hard working man, just as much as I myself love to be a good hard working woman. I have no problem treating someone. If I invite you out to lunch, or ice cream I have no problem covering the bill. If the guy wanted to pay instead I might have a problem with that, only because I wouldn't want him to feel as if he always had to pay every time we went out. I am about compromise, the whole I get the movie you get dinner thing I'm cool with. But I also get that every now and then a girl wants to be treated for dinner, or a movie or whatever the date will be. 

Question of the day: How do you feel about "Going Dutch" are you into it, why or why not and lets hear an example of you going dutch and how it turned out??

SS <3

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WHY MUST ALL GOOD THINGS COME TO AN END?!?!

Hey good people I feel like it's been a while since I posted and for that I apologize. It's been a crazy few days with the move, the busted ankle and settling in. Anyways in all my chaos I managed to squeeze in my....wait for it....wait for it....here it comes.....VERY FIRST LEGITIMATE DATE!!!!!!!!!! since the divorce. I've hung out with guys but not in that intimate date kind of way. I hadn't been asked out like that in quit some time. Okay...hold on...we're going on a ride.

So this guy and I met a little over a week ago. I happened to be hanging out with another guy friend, his wife and sister at the time as we were all supporting him. He was doing karaoke on our local military base. As I was sitting outside on the enclosed patio area where the karaoke was taking place, I happened to look up and there I saw the most gorgeous, tall, curly hair, light skinned, beautiful lips and sensual brown eyed man I have seen in a long time. I think to myself "Ohhh emmm geee (aka OMG) who is THAT?" He walks past me and smiles and I reciprocate. I watched him walk past and then continued to make a complete fool of myself at karaoke. CONFESSION ALERT: I can totally sing but I still like making a fool of myself singing and dancing at karaoke. Isn't that what its for? (smile)

As my friend began singing a familiar song I was singing from my seat, I look up at the perfect time and there he is again walking back past me. My friend jumps in front of him, puts the microphone in his face he sings a few notes of the song, dances a little and keeps walking. I erupt in laughter and screams cheering both he and my friend on. He continues to look at me, walks past and smiles. At this point I am intrigued. How do we get from smiles to conversation?

Where I was sitting I could see the parking lot and I could see him walk to his car. After about 5 minutes of him sitting in his car he ends up leaving. I decide to walk out onto the parking lot to see if I could see where he went. (At this time the middle school/high school games are about to come out. Soooo DON'T JUDGE ME) (smile). I see him waiting in line to drive off base, I look down at my phone for a second and look back up. Wait a minute, where did he go? I see the car that was in front of him, and the one that was behind him, but I don't see him....hmmm All of a sudden I say to myself "He turned back around" I ran back inside (see middle school game number one) I see him pull back into the parking lot, he parks in a different location, and I walk out again on my phone. To make it look real I call a friend and leave a message about how I am using her as a decoy (yep another middle school/ high school game) etc. BUT, in all fairness to me when I went back out the second time after he parked he was "pretending" to read something so he was playing games too. (huge smile) So I finish leaving my ridiculous message and as I start to walk back in I swallow my fear and pride and say "So are you gonna come back in and sing?" He drops his reading material and I walk to the passenger side of his car, and our conversation began. 

CONFESSION ALERT: I am a total observer so all of his car windows were down and I began to make my non-obvious scan across the car, looking for any signs of another woman or children. I don't mind the children but I sure as hell mind another female...just saying. As I scanned I got caught, he says "you see the stuffed animals I won?" I answered and then I noticed one was a blue dolphin. I love dolphins, and my favorite color is........yea you guessed it. BLUE!! so I ask "is that a dolphin?" He responds, I tell him how I love dolphins etc. He reaches back and hands me the dolphin, I smiled so hard as he said "Here a dolphin for a beautiful sexy woman, I want you to have it" *sigh* men still do have manners, and they are still pleasant. We exchanged numbers and we went on our merrily way. 

An hour or so later he texts me, we correspond through text for most of the evening then silence....I assumed he went to bed, even though it was 10pm at night. But he is in the military which mean early mornings, early nights. Anywho this is the guy from my previous blog "He's just not that into you....or is he?" He is scenario number 1. So after a long span of silence I heard from him, actually the same day I posted the previous blog, which is very coincidental, we talked some more, a little more consistent and during that time we somehow got on the topic of cooking...one of my favorite things to do. I shared that with him, he shared a meal he would like and I told him I would cook it for him if he wanted me to. He agreed and set up the date. Monday between 12:30-1 I agreed. I arrived at his place after 2pm (DON'T JUDGE ME) when I saw him again I had another big smile on my face, he greeted me, gave me the most amazing hug, kissed me on my cheek, told me it was great to see me again and I looked beautiful (CHEESE). We went up to his place, he took me on a tour of his place, and we sat on the couch. He put on a movie, gave me an incredible foot massage, and we talked and watched the movie. 

4:30ish rolled around and it was time to head to the grocery store, I hadn't eaten all day so by that time it was definitely time to eat, so off to the grocery store we went, we shopped, laughed, talked and went back to his place. He did not open my car door, or the door for me at the grocery store, I sarcastically told him he was such a gentlemen and he did apologize and say that he used to be very chivalrist (that's the word he used..I love it I make up my own words all the time) but women before me messed that up. I can see that, men before him messed some things up to, however I do try not to compare. Anyways, I looked past it we went back up to his place, I changed clothes, (I had on a long maxi dress and wanted to change into something more comfortable to cook) and began to cook. He kinda just watched me, put on some music and danced around the house with me, it was fun, and we watched a little Monday Night Football as well. I ended up making baked bbq chicken, green beans, corn and homemade from scratch mac and cheese. His requested meal, we sat down and ate dinner, as I looked at him while he took his first bite I was nervous, and excited at the same time. CONFESSION ALERT: Cooking is another passion of mine. I love to cook but I do not do it often because I have no one to cook for :( it's boring cooking for yourself. I look at his face, I say to myself "he seems to be enjoying it" then he catches me staring, he smiles and says "you know this is amazing right?" I smile and proceed to eat, he gets up after about 5 minutes and grabs more food. My heart is overjoyed, he finishes his second plate of food and tells me "that was absolutely delicious, omg you can cook girl" I smile and say thank you, he invites me on the couch with the throw blanket over me we cuddle on the couch as he holds me and we watch another movie. 

I cannot tell you how AMAZING it felt to be held, to be wrapped in someones arms and nothing else, just laying in his arms feeling safe and secure. That might have just been the highlight of the evening for me. Never once did he try anything, he never tried to feel me up, rub on me, kiss me or anything, he just held my hand and we cuddled. That is something I am definitely NOT used to. These guys out here in So-Cal are vultures!! 

As always, all good things must come to an end, our day was over, our dinner was over, and our movie was over. He works early so it was time for me to go home. As I packed up my stuff he walked me down to my car, I put my stuff on the passenger side, and was in mid walk to the driver side, he stopped me, grabbed me and just held me. He hugged me so tight, it felt so good, I just breathed in and then exhaled. I felt safe, I felt comfortable, I felt good. He hugged me for a good 2-3mins and if you're just hugging for that amount of time it's a long time but I didn't care. I enjoyed being in his arms. He kissed me on my cheek (CONFESSION ALERT: this woulda been the perfect time to plant those beautiful lips on mine. Secretly I really really wanted him to) and then he finally let me go, told me to let him know when I made it home, and that was that.

As much as I enjoyed this guy, I know that we only have a short time. He is moving out of state in the beginning of November. That is the beautiful life of our wonderful military. Again, all good things must come to an end (sad face) but I will say, this was one of the best first dates I have been on. It was so chilled, and relaxed, I felt like I could be myself without all the first date facades, I felt comfortable, I felt respected and I didn't feel taken advantage of. That could be partly because he is a gentlemen and that could also mean he doesn't want to lead me on since he knows he is moving. We did make that known that neither of us wanted a long distance relationship so that was established in the beginning. Regardless the reason I felt respected and appreciated and that's definitely important. I feel like he felt like he could be himself around me as well, he was open, he was vulnerable and most men are not this way at all let alone the first date. He did openly admit to me that he turned around after he had left, and I got to hear his version of the whole meeting thing, which was fun and interesting for me to hear, and then he said "I probably shouldn't be telling you this" but I appreciated the fact that he did, there was no game being ran, he was genuinely interested and so much so he turned his car around to try to have that conversation. I even asked, why did you come back, he started blushing (omg he would kill me if he knew I said that) and said "because I was really interested in getting to know you, and I wanted to talk to you" I don't know, maybe I'm out of the loop but honestly I don't know many guys that would say that. Or be that open and honest and admit that. I could appreciate that in this guy. Inspite of him leaving soon I hope his "not wanting to be misleading" nature doesn't get in the way and we get to see each other again before he leaves. *Sigh* all good things must come to an end....

QUESTION OF THE DAY: If you are married, engaged or with someone can you remember your first date? How was it, how did it make you feel, what did you do? Please post comments below and share share share :)

SS <3

















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BUT YOU SAY HE'S JUST A FRIEND!?!?!

HOW THEY MET: As, I sat and waited for rehearsal to start I looked up and saw a beautiful, tall, brown skin, sexy guy walk in. "Oh my, who is THIS guy?" As I was checking him out, My eyes landed on that shinny silver wedding band wrapped around his left ring finger. "Damn, all the fine ones are always taken" "Maybe it's a purity ring....do people still wear those?" (smile) There was an immediate attraction to him, he was very nice looking and seemed like he had a nice personality as well. He looked, (oh crap I got caught staring) he smiles, I smile back and turn around. 

THEIR FIRST CONVERSATION: After a few glances, we end up being near each other enough for me to say, "Hi, my name is Songstress are you new here?' "Hi Songstress nice to meet you, I'm Alex and yes I am, I just moved here with my wife and children" STOP THE VIOLIN MUSIC, HOLD THE PHONE AND PUMP THE BRAKES. Not only is he married but he has children. As in the plural of CHILD? Hmmm....welp so much for thinking it's a purity ring. (CONFESSION MOMENT:Ladies and Gentlemen this is the story of my life. It never fails. I meet a handsome looking man, who seems like he has a great personality and before I even get to find out...he's taken, so automatically we are just friends.)

WAITING TO SING: We continue to speak, we know we are just friends, nothing more, nothing less. We never hang out by ourselves, we did exchange phone numbers but there is no harm in that. So with that said, one day we were sitting and chatting, Alex is a singer and an AMAZING singer at that. Alex is from the midwest, he's a sweet guy. He invited me into his life, I invite him into mine. We shared things with each other. So I start to think to myself "hes a great friend, always willing to listen, always willing to pray for you, always willing to be there for you. I really like that about him. I hope I find a guy like that one day"

IT'S SO HARD TO SAY GOODBYE: The time has come for Alex and his family to leave So-Cal, Alex has blessed and enriched my life so much, now I have to say goodbye. During our conversations Alex shared that there were certain things happening at home and he was not happy about it. As he shared these things with me and I was there to listen and encourage him just like he did for me. Alex promised to keep in touch and I promised as well. Now, remember Alex is a singer, so he has opportunities to travel to sing for different engagements. Alex comes back to So-Cal for an engagement and contacts me, so we meet up. We sit and chat, he blesses me every time I see him and hear him speak. Such profound wisdom from a young man, I can only imagine what it will be like as he matures more. He makes my soul smile, but I know there will be nothing between us more than what there is now....Friendship. So I take him back to the airport and he fly's home to be with his family.........

DIVORCE: Alex calls and tells me that he and his wife have parted ways. I listened, I was there for him whenever, if ever he needed me. I prayed for reconciliation (honestly I did) I covered him daily. I've been through the heartache and pain of separation, and divorce it's not a fun thing to go through and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. When it was all said and done, it was over for them 

THE ISSUE: For me....the initial thoughts started running through my head again. I wanted to be there and be sympathetic and empathetic to him and his needs, his hurt and his pain. I wanted to be the friend that I have been all this time and want to continue being. And I was.....but I kept feeling those feelings and hearing my friends say "You and Alex would make a cute couple" "Alex is a handsome man, if only he wasn't married I could see you two together" I heard it a lot more than not. Even from people that didn't know him but knew me. "Hey whose that guy that sang today, he would be perfect for you" What's a girl to do? I can't say anything, I don't necessarily want to say anything for fear it will jeopardize our friendship.

We are friends, it was classified in the beginning, the situation has changed in his life, however, I'm still his friend and he is still mine. We call each other, we text each other, we Facebook each other. We care about each other, I would even go so far as to say we love each other....in that friendship sort of way. Now that he is officially divorced, he's doing what he needs to do to heal, and move forward with his life. He even has someone in his life whom he says is his friend, they are taking things slow, and just getting to know one another. I can respect and appreciate that. I would rather put my feelings aside to save our friendship then profess something that may end up ruining our friendship and I lose out on someone who has played a big role in my life and has been there for me. In all honestly, I am happy he is healing, I am happy he is moving on, I am happy that he is starting to feel and be happy. 

So as I sigh with a hint of disappointment I realize certain people are placed in my life for a reason, whatever the reason he is in my life, I chose for him to remain in it. One day the person I am meant to be with will come along and sweep me off my feet. (BIG SMILE)

SS <3




QUESTION OF THE DAY: Have you ever felt this way about a friend? Did you express your feelings to him/her? How did it end up for you? Share your thoughts and stories below. 

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DISCLAIMER: All names have been changed to protect those involved!

ICE ICE BABY!!!!

Good Evening Beautiful People,

I was supposed to write this post a few days ago but more interesting topics came up first. I also want to share apart of my life to my readers because that's what I love to do. So this post is more of a vent, and also insight into my life. Here goes.....

Just recently I have began to shift things in my life. Taking a leap and starting a blog, also to generate some additional income I decided to take another step and start my own shuffle or line dancing class. Not the country kind of line dancing only because I have no idea how to do that, although I'm sure it wouldn't be that difficult to learn, however I am referring more to "The Electric Slide", "The Cha Cha Slide" "The Cupid Shuffle" etc. I LOVE doing those type of dances and I know a LOT of them. People do them everywhere, graduation parties, weddings, bbq's etc and I want to be able to teach men and women how to do those certain kinds of dances without feeling silly. Also, incorporating a little fitness in there. (I can definitely stand to lose a few pounds) so with that said this has been something that has been on my heart for some time and just recently I felt like I was released to do it. So I have been putting things in motion to start asap.

Welp, this past Sunday (the 16th)I was the victim of a slip and fall accident at my local convenient store. Okay, let me insert disclaimer, I have never ever fallen in a store before, and I am not one of those people that go into stores to fall and try and collect some sort of compensation. I am too dang big and too dang grown to be bustin' by butt (literally laughed out loud). But I am so serious. I hate falling, who does?...end disclaimer. Anyways, so as a result of this slip and fall, I believe to have seriously injured my ankle. I have been laid up all week long in a lot of pain. Thankfully it is not broken however I do believe something else is wrong with it. I can't be for certain because I have not gone to get it checked out. Partly because I lack insurance and the other reason is that I am moving this Saturday and I have to pack. 

This is what my foot has been looking like. Can we see the knot sticking out on the right side? Yea....that's not normal. 

So instead of me being mindful of my injury I am hobbling along trying to do what I need to do in order to move. I have to say I haven't been as successful as I had hope to be. So I do the only thing I know how to do. I call on my friends to help me, guess whose available........................NOBODY!!!! So I am now in a state of panic, helplessness, overwhelming state, crying mode, and down right down and out. "How could this have happened?" "How could I have been so stupid?" "How am I gonna teach my class?" "Maybe this is a sign I shouldn't be doing a class." This is my IMMEDIATE thought process, this accident was no fault of my own but in order for me to make sense of it I have to place blame, and that blame immediately goes to me. "If I didn't want what I wanted at that moment, maybe I wouldn't have fell." "Maybe if I walked around another area I wouldn't have fell." "Maybe had I bought a truck instead of an SUV I could move my own bed and not need any of those so called friends." Can you see where I am going with this?

I love my friends, they are truly like family to me and I know they love me and I know I cannot expect everyone to drop their life to come to my beckon call. I know this, but at this moment, I can't help but feel alone, and abandon. My current roommates only concern is that I am out of here by Saturday, she doesn't care that I am in serious pain, trying to get things done so that I can please her and be out, she doesn't care whether I have someone to help me move or not. It's frustrating and it hurts. As a human being and a woman you would think there would be some sort of compassion but there isn't. So, I sit in my room, I look at all the stuff that needs to yet be done, and I feel this sense of overwhelming-ness and I cry, and I cry and I cry. How did it get to this point?

My week has looked like this, Blogging, rest, ice, compression & elevation also known as R.I.C.E or in my case B.R.I.C.E (smile) That medical education is coming back.

Crying about it isn't going to make it any better but it's all I feeling like doing right now. At this point all I can do is pick myself up, stand up, pack and move my stuff. Bare the pain and make it happen, all the while praying I don't injury my ankle even more. It'd be nice to have a couple hundred dollars to pay someone to do this....


So as I rant and rave, I know it will all work out in the end...It has to and I have to believe that. Call me crazy but it's worked so far. 

How many of you have felt the "Murphy's Law" anything that can go wrong will go wrong? Have you ever felt that sense of overwhelming-ness? Helplessness? How did you recover? As always, post your thoughts and comments below and thank you for reading my ridiculously LONG posts..I'll try to do some shorter ones (smile)

SS <3





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                                I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS SONG!!!!

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