GET YOUR MARCH ON!!

Hola my beauties, Happy Wednesday!

I am coming to you today tear free…well kinda since my last post :)

This one may be a tear jerker but for good and sad reasons….sorry.

Strap in we are going on a March….

Okay so almost 11 years ago, I was blessed with the opportunity to carry a beautiful baby boy. I was blessed to carry him for 5 ½ months. I felt his every move, I felt his kicks, I felt his flutter. It was the most beautiful thing I could ever experience. 

Just before approaching my 6^th month, I went into labor. At the time I had no idea what I was experiencing, but there were cramps (contractions) fluid leaking (water broke) and a lot of grunting (pushhhhhing). In the hospital I ended up giving birth to an angel named Malachi. (Ma-luh-kai for pronunciation)

However, God saw fit to take my angel back to Heaven with Him. On May 26, 2002 I became a mother, but on that day I also had to let go of my child. It was one of the worse moments of my life. My son died in my arms, he was so beautiful, he was so tiny, and he was mine. Whatever, the reason God saw fit to take him I have accepted and have moved forward with my life, but never forgetting the beautiful blessing I was blessed with if even for a short time.

The pain never really goes away, and when I see little babies I remember my son, when I see children around the age he would be I think of my son, and when I hear his name, I wonder what my son is doing and what he would be like if he were alive.

Because of this, I chose to honor my son and his memory every year by participating in the March of Dimes (please click link for more info) The March of Dimes is an organization that helps and supports families that have had premature babies and also help women have full term pregnancies so that they do not have to experience what I experienced or so many other women I know had to experience.

A blurb from March of Dimes

“When you walk in March for Babies, you give hope to the more than half a million babies born too soon each year. The money you raise supports programs in your community that help moms have healthy, full-term pregnancies. And it funds research to find answers to the problems that threaten our babies. We’ve been walking since 1970 and have raised an incredible $2 billion to benefit all babies.”

This is why this organization is so near and dear to my heart. I want to spread the word about this organization and my personal story. I am not a sales person so I am not going to ask you for money. I do ask that if you can find it in your heart to support me and this amazing organization I would GREATLY appreciate it. By support I mean spreading the word, sharing this post, sharing my personal Malachi_Angel link around so people can get involve, or if you are in the So-Cal area and would love to join me in the 5K walk that is happening on Saturday, April 27^th, 2013 at Balboa Park you can also sign up by clicking the link above. If you do feel led in your heart to donate then you may do so online, and remember it is safe and confidential and it is tax deductible. That’s always a plus!!

Thank you for letting me pour my heart out to you, my beautiful readers and thank you for always taking the time to read my post and support me.

Peace & Love

SS <3

Please watch this video if you can!

March for Babies 2013 

MANIC MONDAY

Disclaimer alert: Please do not send me messages or comments saying I need therapy or need help in general. And please don’t think I have gone crazy or anything. These are my deep dark private thoughts that I am willing to share publicly. I have gone through so many trials and tribulations in my life and if my story can bless, encourage, or help someone I chose to tell it and I shouldn’t be reprimanded for doing so. 

With that said good morning and happy Monday to all you beautiful people out there. What a weekend huh? How was yours? Mine was filled with tears, tears and more tears. Even as I am at work, typing this blog tears are streaming. I have hit a rough patch but at the same time it’s a revelation. I learn more and more about myself everyday, I learn the good, the bad and the ugly but that’s what life is all about right? Growth, maturity, and a new level of understanding..Yes? Well I got a bunch of that this week. I try to live a drama free life, because I don’t deal well with it. I don’t like it, its pointless and a waste of time. In spite of all that I was saturated in it this past week, but yesterday I had a meeting with a friend, and we decided on going to the beach. The beach is my calming ground. I love the ocean, the sounds, the sand, the beautiful creation that was made. I haven’t been in a while so it was a nice place to be especially with everything that has been going on. 

As most of my readers know I have experienced a significant amount of loss in my life. The most recent being my mother, and most of my readers know that I am not close with many of my family members. With that said I had a conversation with another friend Friday evening and I was telling her how I would call my auntie, my mother’s sister because I hadn’t talked to her in a while. And as I was talking to my friend I was telling her how the conversation would go, I told her it would start off with a question that would go something like this: “What the hell you want?” then I proceeded to tell her how the rest of the conversation would go: “You know I don’t like talking on the phone, what’s wrong?” “Don’t we talk enough on facebook?” to “Okay, are we done? I’ll talk to you later”. To my NOT surprise as I called my aunt Saturday afternoon that is EXACTLY how the conversation went, and without hesitation I told my aunt exactly what I told my friend, we both laughed about it.  

*Backdrop on my aunt* Before you think she’s some mean crazy lady you have to understand her. She has never been a phone person; she is VERY rough around the edges and not sentimental at all. She keeps her wall up, she doesn’t allow anyone in, and if you do get in your only get surface things, you will never ever get all of her for fear of being hurt, wounded, let down, or disappointed. So she keeps this hard exterior and is the type of person that society would label as “keeping it real” or “hardcore”. My aunt talks on the phone for a living which I understand completely, I do as well and the last thing I want to do is pick up the phone when I get off of work, however, if my family is calling I will answer since we are 3,000 plus miles away from each other. I guess I am the only one that sees that. 

As, I already stated my family and I aren’t close, but my aunt is a little piece of my mom and I am all she has from my mom, so my aunt is a very special woman to me. Because of the conversation I had with my aunt later that evening she posted this as her status on Facebook: “I hate talking on the phone and I have always been that way. I want my niece Nikki Godz-Princess to know. I love her with all my heart and soul; she is all I got left of my big sister. And i never mean to hurt your feelings by rushing u off the phone. I am always concern about u and will always have ur back! I love you.” This touched my heart to the core. I cried because I rarely have moments like that come from my aunt. Even as I am re-reading it I am crying. It meant a lot for me to know how she really feels about me. Call me sensitive, dramatic or whatever you want but when you’ve grown up thinking this woman has hated you all your life, its nice to get a glimpse of something different. 

As I was having a conversation with my friend yesterday at the beach I was sharing with her the conversation I had with my aunt, and the FB status and of course I began to cry. It was then that I started to realized that I want my aunt to be Debra, and she will never be Debra, I want her to love me like Debra, hug me like Debra, I want her to talk to me like Debra would, care about me and my well being like Debra did. Share with me her dreams and aspirations like Debra did. Know just the right things to say like Debra would.  I look for Debra in her. I long for Debra in her. I need Debra in her. And I realized she can never be Debra, she is not Debra. She can only be Jackie, because that is who she is, that is who God made her. She is my mothers SISTER….NOT my mother. I never realized that was what I was doing or that, that was my expectations of my aunt. It hurts more than I can say that I put those expectations on her and on myself because I was always so sad and disappointed. I miss my mother so much but I have to let my aunt be my aunt and understand I can’t look for Debra in everyone. God gave me my mother for 20 years, He saw fit, that, it was enough and took her home to be with Him. I don’t understand it I don’t get it, but I know it is not my place to understand or get but to except it, do what I have been placed on this earth to do and make her proud of me!

The life I have been given has not been an easy one. Experience the loss I have experienced, experiencing the abuse I have experienced, the lack of self confidence I have experienced, the suicidal thoughts I have experienced, the suicidal actions I have done, the pain that I have felt, the hurt I have gone through it as all been for a purpose. Some of the purpose is still unfolding, some of the purpose has been unfolded but like I said in the beginning, if my story can help, encourage or bless someone I will shout it from the rooftops! But one thing I do know is that out of the ashes, beauty always rises. I’m still rising…..

Thanks for reading my very lengthy post (sorry) and have a wonderful week my loves

SS <3

Manic Monday 

HAULIN' SUNDAY

Hey Lovely's

So I don't do Haul's per se however, I've always wanted to.

So I am gonna show you guys some of my favorite things I just got. 

Today at church I was blessed with a little gift basket from a friend, full of great things. Here's a peek at the gift basket.

I feel in love with this basket, great earrings, and my personal favorite, this beautiful sparkly fan. Also known to me as my "church fan" simply because I remember the older women at my church growing up always having those types of fans. 

Here are some photos of the earrings and a ring that I received as well.

After service, before lunch at Olive Garden. (YUM-O BTW) I stopped off at my local shoe store. I haven't been shopping in I don't know how long. Actually I should say I haven't purchased anything for myself in I don't know how long. I got these awesome wedges and I love the design. They look better on then in the picture but still I am so happy.

Along with the shoes of course I had to get a purse. Why? Because shoes and purses are my thing...smh I might need to seek additional help LOL

Then it was off to Wal-mart, I just needed to pick up some concealer to conceal these dark circles under my eyes, and I walked out with much more than I intended. Does that happen to anyone else when they go shopping?? Geez.....

Anyways, I saw this pretty pink lip-gloss and figured I would try it. It is from NYC. It is their new 8 hour wear City Proof Lip gloss, in the perpetually hot pink shade. Its kind of sticky which I am not a huge fan of. I like more of the glide and slide gloss. However, it is long lasting and I like the color. What do you guys think, how does it look on me??

That's all for this Haul. I hope this isn't the last :) So tell me...how was your weekend? Did you do any shopping or getting anything? 

Thanks for allowing me to share my haul with you and thanks for stopping by 

SS <3

Love on top

I'M DIFFERENT YEAH I'M DIFFERENT

Hello my lovely's

Welcome to the last Thursday in February...Geez time is flying by.

I have such EXCITING news to share with you.

I am co-hosting the "Think outside the blog" Hop this week. WHOO HOOO for those of you that do not know what this blog hop is about, its for people like me who don't fit into anyone's mold. Who is unique, who is not the norm, who is eclectic....You know some one who is different, yeah that's right I'M DIFFERENT!

This is my first time co-hosting anything and I hope I do this right so it won't be my last LOL. HUGE Shout Out to my new love Mama Harris of "From the Kitchen of Mama Harris" who hit me up and gave me this awesome opportunity. Thanks love :) and big shout out to those that have been apart of this awesomely successful blog hop 

So I decided to share a little bit about me so if you are a first time visitor strap in and sit back as we go on a lyrical journey of my life. Hope you enjoy and please come back and see me again *wink wink*

I go by Songstress, and I am a new blogger. I love to talk, write, and all things music, including singing so I decided to compile all that together and came up with this blog. 

I have been blogging now for about 6 months. WHOOO HOOO how exciting is that? No one told me though that blogging years are like dog years lol. I feel like I have been doing this thing forever. But nonetheless I LOVE IT!!

So why did I start my blog you ask? Well, it was all because of this chick who I sometimes call friend.....haha no she's definitely my friend but I do think she bamboozled me into this. Anyways, she started her blog a while back, and this is something that I used to think about doing back in the day when it wasn't as popular but it was a way to get your thoughts out and share whatever you wanted to with the world or privately in what was once known as an online diary or journal.

So with her persuasion I decided to take a leap of faith and start my blog. I wanted to share my hurts, my pain, my loves, my fun, my laughter and my personality with whomever was wiling to read it. And surprisingly I received an overwhelming response and made some new lovely blogging buddies which I am even more ecstatic about.

In taking that leap of faith I have opened up a whole new world, fun, and adventure and I am excited to see where it takes me. 

So as you know this is the "Think outside the blog" hop so my blog does not fit into any one mold. I talk about a lot of stuff, product reviews, my dating life (or lack there of) being a single black woman from Michigan living in California, my semi new natural hair journey and so much more. So if you like what you see so far, please feel free to add me via GFC (Google Friend Connect) and/or any of my other Social Networking Sites. Thanks again for stopping by and hope to see you back real soon.

SS <3

DISCLAIMER: I in no way am a fan of this song at all but the hook aka chorus is fitting and fun because we are "Thinking outside the blog"

THE HOSTS:

Cupcake Rehab
Raised By Culture
3twentysix
From the Kitchen of Mama Harris
The Eclectic Grab Bag
On Your Heels

THIS WEEKS CO-HOST:

Confessions of a Songstress

(Highlight, press CTRL+C to COPY)

<a href="http://edgyunconference.blogspot.com/search/label/ Think%20Outside%20The%20Blog" target='_blank'><img src='http://s12.postimage.org/dm3h6uakp/ buttontwo.png' border='0' /></a>

VALENTINE EXCHANGE!!

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!

 A good friend of mine named Ruby decided to start a Facebook group that would allow like minded bloggers to be apart of the group and be able to support each other and show each other some LUV. The group has definitely been a success, I feel like I have a group of sisterhood. 

A while back I came up with an idea of doing a gift exchange kinda like a Secret Santa and blogging or vlogging about it and I pitched it to the group. Unfortunately, it was a great idea but definitely bad timing so it got put off. Recently my friend Ruby from Growing up Blackxican and Xenia from Raised by Culture decided to put the gift exchange back in motion and do it for Valentines day. I was so excited about it and I hoped it would go well. (So far it seems to be going pretty well)

When I arrived home from work today a red box was waiting for me and I knew exactly what it was. I was so excited and I couldn't wait to open it. I knew it was my Valentine's gift from my "Secret Valentine" Laura from My 3 ring Circus. What a sweet lady she is, please stop by her blog and show her some luv. I personally am excited to continue reading her blog.

After prying open the box, I saw a bag full of what appeared to be some great goodies.

Boy was I right, after I pulled out what was in the bag, I held in my hands a polka dot little basket with an out pour of stuff. I was happy about the basket because I can definitely find some uses for that.

After pulling everything out one by one I was so happy that Laura knew me so well LOL. My favorite scents from Bath & Body Works, my favorite candy, especially the chocolate w/peanut butter. YUM-O (gotta hit the gym after but who cares haha) a pretty sparkly headband that I can't wait to wear because it surely will bring out my natural hair (by the way an update on how I am doing with that will be coming soon) and my favorite color in nail polish! I am definitely a happy camper and I can only hope Laura is as happy with her gift as I am with mine. Thanks Laura!!!! 

Happy Valentine's Day everyone

Are you excited for Valentine's Day? What's your favorite part about the day? What did you get or give for Valentine's Day? Share your thoughts....

SS <3

My Funny Valentine

WHOO HOO MY VERY FIRST REVIEW!!!!

Hola beautiful people oh how I have missed you. You've gotten bits and pieces of me but not as much as you used to. So I guess its no secert anymore but I am now working, I wish it was some exciting news but there has been MANY problems with this new job. Either way I am blessed to be working. I'll talk more about the new job at a later date. Anyways this AWESOME post is my very first PRODUCT REVIEW. I am so happy because I have always wanted to do this and I am ecstatic that I finally am. So lets take an easy, breezy, beautiful RIDE....

So if you haven't guessed by now I will be reviewing the new Covergirl Clump Crusher mascara. When I saw the commercial I was so excited to try this product, and I immediately went to my local Walmart to pick it up. Upon arriving to Walmart I went to the mascara section and was stopped dead in my tracks. The price for the mascara took me by surprise, it was nearly $7 dollars. I didn't know how I felt about spending that much money for a mascara  especially since my Falsies one I use faithfully is only like $5 bucks. After seeing the price I decided against buying it and I moved on. *sigh* I ended up checking out a few more stores and the prices there were astronomical for a tube of mascara. 

It wasn't until a friend of mine posted on FB that she really liked it & showed the picture of it, that I decided to splurge on the mascara. She even paid more than I was about to so I said hey why not, and this'll give me a review to do :)

So here goes, the mascara comes in a clear package like all CoverGirl mascara, upon first glance it reminded me of the orange bulky mascara by Covergirl I used to use back in the day before I discovered the wonderful beauty of Falsies. The bright green tube is very appealing to me. It seems bright, fun and playful. For me it really made me want to try it, so great job on the packaging Covergirl. 

Next is part of my face without any makeup, just waking up no mascara. Just fresh lashes. Sorry about the mug shot LOL. 

Now, I always do my makeup when I am at my desk at work. I have no mirror by the way I either use my phone or my tablet as my "mirror" I keep forgetting to buy a mirror but I am so good at putting on make-up it doesn't bother me lol. I can do it in the car when people are driving, hitting bumps and all....I guess its a talent. Nevertheless I pulled the mascara out of the package, opened it up and was ready to use it. 

This picture is of some of the product on the brush, what I REALLY liked is that unlike my Falsies mascara there is not a lot of product that comes out when you dip the brush in. I didn't have slide the brush across the top of the bottle to remove the excess mascara from the brush, it put just the right amount of product on the brush every time. 

Here are a couple of pictures of the product on my lashes, I noticed a lot LESS clumping for sure, I didn't at first feel like it gave me length to my lashes like my Falsies do but after using it again today I feel that it does. I feel like there isn't a lot of flaking and clumping on my eye lashes, and when I touch them they still feel like my eye lashes verses my eye lashes with mascara on them. Don't get me wrong you can totally feel I have mascara on but there is a difference between this and my Falsies. 

Here is a pic of the finish look.

And here is a picture of an end of the day look to show you that my eyes still look great :)

Overall, I tried this product for two days and I will continue using it the rest of the week to get a thorough try but for now I really liked the new Covergirl Clump Crusher. I believe it did exactly what it said it would do. I noticed a lot less clumping and flaking, I loved that it uses less product so for me that's a little more bang for your buck. A little goes a long way which means I should get a longer use out of it. Now, don't get me wrong I still love my Falsies but I do think this one will be a staple in my make-up bag as well. Maybe this for my everyday wear and my Falsies for a girls night out event. If I have anything else to add I will do a follow up post but I think I am satisfied. 

A- Covergirl

So tell me what's your favorite mascara? Have you tried Falsies or the new Covergirl? What are your thoughts?

Hope you enjoyed my first review and stay tuned for many more!!

SS <3

CLUMP CRUSHER