♫ IT'S PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME ♫

HAPPY FRIDAY BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE!!

Okay I'm not really making PB&J lol but looking at this picture can you guess what's for dinner?

So if you look at these ingredients and guessed I am making spaghetti you would totally be wrong.....................okay I'm totally kidding, can't get anything past you. YES I'M MAKING SPAGHETTI :)

So a little backdrop on this meal. My mom used to make spaghetti when I was a little girl, it was one of my favorite meals she made. She loved to make it and then put it in the oven with cheese on top. I personally HATED it with cheese on top, so she always made a big pot, half would go in the oven with cheese and the other half would be for me with no cheese :) I totally loved my mothers spaghetti, as you can tell with the ingredients it wasn't the "boil some noodles and throw some canned sauce on top" kinda spaghetti. When we cook we cook big and we get it in LOL. So with that said, when my mom died I never got the recipe from her before hand, I had no idea how to make this spaghetti, what to put in it, what spices, what meat, NOTHING, and the sad part I hadn't craved it until after she died. I remembered there was meat, as in ground beef but I couldn't remember what else. I remember I couldn't stop thinking about her spaghetti, I even had dreams about it, so one day I went to the grocery store and prayed that I could remember by taste everything my mother put into her spaghetti and guess what....I DID!!!!

It's amazing how that works, I was in the grocery store and I could suddenly taste everything she put into the spaghetti, I could see her preparing it the only thing I think I might have added and she didn't was the Italian sausage. Although she might have and that just didn't come back to my remembrance   Either way it works. I remember the first day I made it I was so nervous, I think I made it for someone and I really wanted it to taste like my moms, and when I tasted it I literally cried because it was exactly like hers, I felt like she was with me. And the few times I have made it, it seems to get better and better. I have made it for potlucks, engagement parties, friends, and so on and apparently its a HUGE hit. So enough of that here goes...

I combine my seasonings, ground beef and Italian sausage into a pan. Then after they brown I add in my kielbasa. I place hot water on the stove and add salt and a dab of oil to the water and let it come to boil then add my noodles.

While the meat is cooking and the noodles are boiling I cut up one whole green bell pepper, one whole onion and two garlic cloves and into the pan they go

By this time the meat has finished browning so I strain it in a colander to allow the oil and juice that the meat makes when it's cooking to strain out and it won't be in the spaghetti. While the meat is straining I take the same pan and saute my vegetables that way the veggies can take up all that yummy goodness and seasonings from the meat. I also sweat my vegetables which basically means I put a lid over the pan while they are sauteing.

 After the noodles are done I strain them as well, the veggies are sauteed and the meat is nicely seasoned and browned. It all goes in a big pot, with all the different sauces I like to use at least 4-5 sauces but that's me and I add some Oregano to taste and mix well

OMG I am getting hungry all over again just looking at that. In the words of my great friend "nom nom nom nom" (LOL you know who you are........Ruby)

And there you have it. YUMMY GOODNESS!!!!

I served this with plain Garlic Toast but I added a little shredded cheese to the toast before placing it in the oven. OMG that is the best, or you could also pair it with this absolutely AHHHH-MAZING recipe for corn bread that my friend has. YUMMY!!!!

Hope you enjoy & as always thank you for reading!!!! 

SS <3



Share your thoughts and comments below :)

Peanut Butter Jelly Time

MISSIN' YOU

My thoughts for today....

As I stood outside this was the view from my back yard. As I looked up I began to get all teary eyed. As I looked to the right of me, there is a bush that has flowers on it and I saw a hummingbird (couldn't get a clear pic to show) seeing the hummingbird made me think of my mother. I don't necessarily know why because I never heard her say she liked them, I think because one day, when I was going through the thick of my divorce, and feeling really alone and really missing my mom I was sitting in my truck crying a bucket full of tears asking why me, why me. Why did my marriage end, why did my son have to die, why did my mom have to die and the moment I said my mom, I felt a sense of peace and calm and I looked up and a hummingbird was smack dab on the driver side mirror of my truck, it sat there for quit some time staring at me as I was staring at it and ever since then I think of my mom when I see a hummingbird, same with butterflies but we both loved butterflies so that one I can understand....

I have been really missing my mom lately. She died when she was 47. She was very young. My mom and I were super close. My father wasn't really in my life and it was always my mother and I. She was my best friend. I remember when I moved out to go to college I was 17 years old, I had my own apartment, I was working 2 jobs and going to school full time. When I would go home to visit my mom I would like to surprise her. Sometimes I would leave school early, drive down and surprise her in her classroom (she was a special education teacher along with working at the main post office in our city as well) her students would erupt with screams, and the joy that panned across my mothers face was amazing. She would light up and say "What are you doing here?" every time I came. I would help her out at school, and then we would usually leave together and go do something, like eat or shop or go home and talk like little school girls. I would sleep in her bed with her and we would stay up talking about all of our hopes and dreams. God I miss those moments so bad. I miss the love that my mom used to give me....

A song for Mama by Boys 2 Men

As it draws nearer to my birthday I can't help but think how she's going to miss yet another birthday, hers and mine. (Hers is next month) It's been some time since she passed but I still feel like it was yesterday. I never ever imagined my life without my mother. I know we all have to die sometime and I knew eventually her day would come but I honestly thought I would be older, married, with children etc. I will never ever get to share those moments with my mother. She won't be here to help me with my wedding dress, to tell me I am beautiful, I won't ever get to hear her say she loves me or she is proud of me. Do you know what that does to a person? How detrimental to my soul that is? Yes I know she is in a better place, yes I know she is happy wherever she is blah blah blah...I don't want to hear the cliches I just want to vent.

Birthday's were a big deal in my family, we always celebrated each other and loved to have any excuse to get together. After my grandfather died we didn't do many BIG family get together's, each family kinda did their own thing. From my teenage years on it was always the four musketeers which was what I called us, my mom, myself, my aunt and my grandma, we did everything together and went everywhere together. Then my aunt had a little girl and my little cousin came alone. She always calls me her big sister so then 4 became 5. We always had a great time and we all loved to shop so we spent anytime we could together shopping, eating, cooking, laughing watching movies etc. Sometimes I feel like my mom was the glue that kept us all together, and now she's gone and we aren't as close as we used to be. That hurts too....I love families that are so close knit, that love each other so much, that do family get togethers and hang out. I miss those moments when we all used to gather around the dinner table and eat a home cooked meal, when we would have family reunions when my entire family would get together from all across the world in one central location and get to know each other again. I remember my mom helping and planning those events.

As I watch the sun get orangier and begin to set I began to feel that feeling I felt when they lowered my mothers body further into her casket. I began to feel that overwhelming feeling that this is it, I will never see her again, I will never feel her hugs, hear her voice, sense her presence ever again. My heart broke. I would like to add my disclaimer and say, I do not need therapy and I am not crazy. I have experienced a loss, several to be exact and in that loss you experience different emotions. Do I cry for or over my mother every night NO, have I healed from the loss of my mother? I don't think you can ever heal from something like that, you just learn to deal with it and move forward. The pain doesn't hurt as bad, you're not consistently thinking about it, you learn no cope. I miss my mother dearly but I also know that my life has been spared for the time being and I have to live it, I have to move forward but I can still carry my memories of her with me..........

SS <3


I love you mommy & I miss you 
xoxo

Dance w/my Father

Obviously I know this song is about Father's but I feel it is so fitting for my mom....

RANT & RAVE THURSDAY!!

Hello lovely people, I hope you all are well. I decided to do my first installment of a rant and rave. Sometime's you need a place to vent and rant about stuff and sometimes you need a place to rave and get excited about stuff so.....here goes

RANTS:

#10 Dear God, can you please turn the heat down a smidge in So-Cal it is October ya know? 100 degrees is a little unheard of. Thanks sir (I wrote this yesterday in preparation for today and I guess He heard me because its super cloudy and like 60 degrees LOL)

#9 Samsung..it is not a bright idea for you to tell me to send my battery from my phone into you, have you test it then send me another one. Did you miss the part where I said I NEED MY PHONE? How about you come up with a more feasible option and just send me a replacement battery for my phone and I will send you this crappy busted, swollen battery back. Trust me I don't want to keep it.

#8 Hey Market Pantry yeah...you Target brand you...why must your Gummi Bears be soooooo good. It makes no sense that I have eaten a 1 pound bag in less than a week. Ugh..I am so ashamed, this is NOT good for my girlish figure

#7 Yo kids...its NOT cool to walk in the middle of the street when cars are coming. Getting hit by a car is not fun. By the way did you hear they made these nifty things called SIDEWALKS so you can WALK on them?? USE IT

#6 Speaking of sidewalks, in California they have what's called a bike lanes. Which means bikes like the ones with the pedals can be in the street with cars. NOT COOL California NOT COOL. Why? Because the bikers think they have run of the road, they are all over the place, people slamming on breaks, blowing horns ugh its unnecessary mayhem. Where I'm from we road our bikes on the sidewalk. Just sayin....

#5 Last week we had a little bit of drizzle, do you know within the first hour of the drizzle (mind you not full on rain, or if it was it wasn't constant) there were over 100 accidents. WITHIN THE FIRST HOUR?? OMG So-Cal SERIOUSLY? Get it together..I won't drive on the road because of you crazy people, I come from a place where we drove on snow, rain, sleet, BLACK ICE and everything in between. You people freak out over drizzle? So here's my logic on this one....it never rains in Southern California..remember that song? Well for the most part its true, so when we do get rain you have to think their is oil, debris and other mess on the ground so when it rains, the ground is SLIPPERY so you can't drive 100 mph like you normally would when the ground is dry. Why? BECAUSE IT'S SLIPPERY....

It Never Rains in Southern California Tony Toni Tone

#4 Dear ancient, old, decrepit laptop....I just need you to hold on for one more month okay? Please stop freezing, shutting off, freezing, playing videos like they are chopped and screwed, freezing, shutting off, making weird noises, freezing, shutting off, starting over, bringing up random windows all on your own, freezing, shutting off, the mouse moving all by itself and going haywire, oh and did I mention FREEZING & SHUTTING OFF?? Yea...hold on just a while longer please..thanks

#3 Hey Cleveland bus driver....although I found the video to be disturbingly funny I do NOT condone you uppercutting a woman on your bus. I think people were outraged because they assumed she was a teenage girl, however upon further inspection they found out she was actually 25 years old, still you shouldn't have punched her in the face, although I know she deserved it!!

#2 To the woman that decided to start an organization but didn't do her homework..epic fail on you. Don't make empty promises and prey on weak women. That's not cool. It's important to build up women, edify them, and build unity and sisterhood...right? This is what you organization is about right? If we are building women up and screaming about sisterhood, then if one makes a mistake or falls away it is your job as a leader to reach out to that person, and the job of the attendees to reach out to their so called "sister" right? I mean it's only common sense, but a friend once told me. "Sense ain't always common." So sad...

#1 To the complete moron that got their drivers license out of the dumpster, you merge with traffic onto the freeway. You don't start coming over on someone when they are RIGHT NEXT TO YOU!!!! And you don't keep coming when they are blowing their horn at you, as to wake you up so you can get your head out of your ass and realize you are about the cause an accident!!!! OHHH EMMM GEEE (yea this one was personal...sorry)

RAVES:

#10 I am starting to feel like a blogger now

#9 I love writing and I love that people actually want to hear what I have to say

#8 I am FINALLY going to show pictures of my hair...Yes my REAL, NATURAL, GROWN OUT OF MY HEAD HAIR!!!! Not a lot of people have seen it because I keep it braided or twisted or whatever and people are asking so I will debut my hair in a couple of days. Before I go get it done again :)

#7 I feel like more opportunities are about to unfold in my lap and I am excited to see what happens next.

#6 It's almost THANKSGIVING!!!! I personally LOVE Turkey Day, it is my favorite Holiday to cook for. It is my day where I go alllllll out. From the turkey to the dessert I make from scratch....mostly

#5 With Thanksgiving that also means my other favorite day and that is BLACK FRIDAY!!!! Its always been a tradition between my mother and I and sometimes my aunt and grandma to go to the black Friday sales. I have yet to go to the Black Friday Sales out here, every time I decide to go with someone, they always end up bailing so this year, there's no excuses I am going even if I have to go by myself and I will take lots of pictures and blog about it. I'm getting a new laptop for sure, and I think I am going to get a keyboard. I want to start learning how to play again, maybe it'll motivate me to start writing songs?? Hmmm we'll see....

#4 I scored a great deal on some skinny jeans that were supposed to be on sale for $37 bucks but the lady rang me up and gave them to me for about $20 bucks and we got to talking about my BLOG!!!! And now she's a follower. LOVE IT. Shout Out to Dulce :) also I scored a dress that I saw online yesterday, on sale for $27 bucks which was an awesome steal to me but I went back online yesterday to show a friend the dress and the price had dropped to....wait for it......$13.99 S-C-O-R-E!!!! Needless to say that dress is on it's way to my closet.....

#3 It's my...........................BIRTHDAY MONTH!!!!!!!!!!

#2 It's still my............................... BIRTHDAY MONTH!!!!!!!!!!

#1 My birthday is a week from today which means its my..............BIRTHDAY MONTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!

SS <3

Do you have any rants or raves for the week?? Please share

HEY GOOD LOOKIN' WHATCHA GOT COOKIN'?!?!

This is my first ever cooking post but I know for a fact it won't be my last. I totally LOVE to cook. I live with a roommate and we have an agreement that I do the cooking in the house and that is A-OK with me. So, with our agreement I let my roommate know to take out whatever it is she wants me to cook and I will whip something up. With that being said, she had told me a little while ago she had a pot roast I could cook, so everyday I went to the fridge, checked to see what was taken out, dreading the very day I would have to cook a pot roast. Welp, today was that day!! I dreaded the day because I have never ever cooked a pot roast before. I actually don't even think I have tasted pot roast before. I didn't necessarily think it would be hard to cook because I like to think I am very creative in the kitchen and can whip up just about anything with whatever I have. This was one of those days. Take a seat, grab a plate and come along for my "pot roast" ride....

As I mentioned above I had no idea how to cook a pot roast, what to do with it, how to season it, how long it takes to cook etc. So my brain instantly began to work. It's a roast, so try a dry rub, cut up some garlic, carrots, onions, potatoes, a little wine reduction, throw it in the crock pot and there it is. Right? WRONG!!!! I go into the fridge there's no garlic, no onion, no red wine, BUT there are some potatoes. Sooooo I grab some spices, I grab the potatoes and take out the crock pot and start to work. I take my spices and throw them all together mix them all up, wash my roast and pat it dry.

Crock Pot, spices, and mixed rub

I take my roast and start rubbing it with the spices. For the spices I used a mixture of EVERYTHING, Season Salt, Black Pepper, Minced Garlic, Minced Onion, Mrs. Dash, Italian Seasoning, Garlic Flavored Breadcrumbs(Yes breadcrumbs, the flavor is amazing) and some other stuff I can't remember. 

Potatoes and Roast rubbed and ready to be seared

After I rubbed the roast I decided to put the rub on the potatoes. It was only fitting right? Then I seared the roast in a hot pan with some EVOO (extra virgin olive oil for the non-chefs in the house), I seared it on both sides and then placed it into the crock pot. After searing the pot roast I decided to sear the potatoes as well and then toss them into the crock pot. I put a little bit of beef broth, water, and moscato (yes moscato..I couldn't find the red wine lol)  into the pot everything went, turned the crock pot on high and walked away for about an hour. After my hour was up I turned down the crock pot to low and let it cook for hours and hours and hours. 

Seared Roast, and Potatoes and into the crock pot they go

Once my roommate was home, I turned the crock pot off and put on some ohhh weeee gooey yummy Jasmine rice (my favorite rice) and dinner was served.

Pot Roast and Potatoes in the crock pot. ALL DONE!

I received four thumbs up from the two people that ate my meal. The pot roast was so incredibly tender, it just fell apart. It was very flavorful and tasted so good, according to my roommate and her son!! After I grabbed me a bowl and went to work....I totally have to agree

SS <3

Do you have a favorite meal to cook or eat? Share please!!

Good Ole Hank Williams

HALLOWEEN THRILLIN'

So if you looked at the calendar recently you have realized that Halloween is just around the corner. Oh my what to do what to do? Jump up and get out and have some fun but before you do that lets go on "What shall we do for Halloween" ride....

If you like to go all out for Halloween then, start by going to your local Target or Walmart and grab some decorations. If you are going for the super scary look check out your local dollar store as well for some decorations. These places are an inexpensive way to decorate your house, apartment, condo or townhouse. 

If decorating isn't your thing but costomes are, well again check out your local Walmart, or Target for awesome costumes. You can get anything from a doctor, to the ugliest scariest gremlin and everything in between. If you are looking for a store that's dedicated to just Halloween things try your local Halloween USA store. They pop up everywhere around the country this time of year. You are bound to find yourself, your friends, significant other, your kids and even your animals a costume. Its a great fun store to visit. 

In SoCal? Check out great things to do for Halloween
http://www.san-diego-beaches-and-adventures.com/san-diego-halloween.html

If you have kids, you can do arts and crafts with your kiddos. Carving pumpkins, making your own decorations etc. or if staying home isn't fun enough, they can dress up and go to their local amusement park for their scream adventure. Here in California we have Disneyland, Sea World, and Six Flags etc. you can take the kids to. If you are looking for less lines and less crowds try haunted hay rides, haunted houses for the older kids, trick or treating at your local malls, and stores, local church events often do things to keep the kids safe and allow them to have a good time as well. 

So what do YOU do after you get your place decorated, and your awesomely fabulous costume and the kids have done all their fun? Well, for us adults there's plenty out here for us to do as well. Your local clubs and bars usually have a Costume Party Night and usually best costume wins a prize. Check your local bars and clubs for more information. If you LOVE Haunted Houses then you might want to check out this awesome list of Haunted Houses, Hayrides, Trails and Hotels from last year. Did your city make the list?

If going out isn't feasible with gas prices being as high as they are.(I TOTALLY can identify with that reason) How about a lower cost at home Halloween Costume Party? Grab some inexpensive decorations or if you are crafty enough make them at home, grab some chips and dip or make your favorite dish, send a Facebook invite to your friends and tell them it's potluck style (that's a great way to keep the cost down). You can also use Google to look up some great alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks to go with your Halloween theme. Drinks that have "eyeballs" floating in them or "Spider legs" etc. How fun would that be??

If you're in California here is a list of fun things to do in your area.

I hope this gives you some good ideas on how to have a thrillin' Halloween. I can't wait to hear all about the fun and exciting things you guys are doing and will do.

SS <3

Share some things you have done in the past for Halloween!!!!

Thriller Michael Jackson

FUN IN THE "OCTOBER" SUN

Wake me up...when September ends! OH WAIT IT HAS!!!! Happy October Month to all you beautiful people. Its feeling like fall more and more. The leaves are still changing colors, the mornings are brisk and chilly, the dew is on the grass, families are bringing out the jackets, sweaters and coats preparing for the winter season. Well not so much for us on the West Coast....not to rub it in or anything but it's nice, bright, sunny and oh so fantastic :) with that said for all my Southern California readers I want to give you some great things you can do out here, either with your family, your honey, a date or by yourself if you are just that adventurous  So strap in, here's my October fun in the sun ideas....


First up....Miramar Air Show - October 12 - 14 2012 in San Diego
If you like it loud then the air show is for you. The Miramar Air show is an awesome airshow with the famous U.S. Navy Blue Angels, The Canadian SnowBirds, and much more. This show is free general admission. If you are interested in perferred seating it does cost money. Check out Miramar Air Show for more information.

Next up....La Jolla Art and Wine Festival - Saturday and Sunday October 13 - 14 2012 from 10 AM to 6 PM on Upper Girard Avenue. A fun outdoor activity in La Jolla San Diego, CA. This could be a great lunch or early dinner date with that special someone, or an afternoon stroll out with the girlfriends. For more information please visit Lajolla and Wine Festival

If you're into the whole Halloween thing then this is right up your alley....Scream Zone Del Mar - September 28 - October 31 2012, at the Del Mar Fairgrounds $14.99 for one scary adventure, $27.99 for all three - Haunted Hayride, House of Horror and The Chamber. Beware of ghouls, zombies & monsters. Visit Scream Zone Del Mar for more information.

Love to eat....Here's a great day date idea, head to LA's largest street fair called Taste of Soul Festival The Taste of Soul Los Angeles takes place annually in October and features a taste of all things “soulful” including food from local restaurants, live entertainment, displays from local artists, and exhibits from local businesses and organizations. Visit Taste of soul LA for more information.

                                                    

Fall Decorating Idea

Love Hayrides....What about a haunted hayride? Take your friends, girlfriend or boyfriend and head out to Los Angeles for the Los Angeles Haunted Hayride. It's crazy scary! For the Hayride alone it is $28 but for the Hayride and maze it is $37. Check it out at Los Angeles Haunted Hayride for a spooktacular adventure.

For my Bay area peeps....Check out the 2nd Annual San Francisco Reggae Festival. This annual event features local and national Reggae bands, island food, arts, and crafts. The San Francisco Reggae Fest will be held on Saturday October 20th, 2012 from 12 pm until 6 pm at O'Farrell. Interested? Well SF Reggae Festival will give you more information.

Are you a mastermind?....then you'll love The Mastermind Hunt: San Francisco. This event takes place Saturday, Oct 20th 2:00 pm at Jessie Square, San Francisco, CA. Get a team of family, neighbors and friends, and use your collective brainpower to solve the clues. Then, race to find each secret location before your opponents! Bring a team of devoted puzzle solvers, your wits, a spirit of adventure, and your best pair of walking shoes. Sounds fun? The Mastermind Treasure Hunts has more information for you.

This concludes my list of fun in the October sun. Some of these things I have tried and some I have not. If you live in California and are in any of these areas try some of these things out and let me know how you liked them. 

For my readers that don't live in Cali there is plenty to do in the October Sun where you are. Crack open a google page and see the awesome events in your town and get out there and enjoy this October Sun!! Now if only I had a date to take me to the wine festival and the taste of soul.......

SS <3

Share some of your favorite things to do in October :D

Nat "King" Cole

I WANT TO BELIEVE

Have you ever had that person or people tell you, you should do something and that they believe in you? Do you believe in yourself as much as the people in your life believe in you? How does that make you feel? Strap in for a transparency ride....

I recently read a post on Facebook that would give me the opportunity to sing, and use a gift that I have been given. The post said there were open auditions to join a local group here in So-Cal. I immediately saw the ad and I was super excited, I like this group, I can do this I thought to myself, I know a few people in this group, I love to sing, I can totally do this I continued thinking. As I continued to stare at the post, I began to think, why would you do this? You know you are going to mess up, you know you have a fear of auditioning, you know you don't like to be put on the spot, you know you are going to be off key, and you are auditioning in front of people you know, they are going to judge you and laugh at you. All of these thoughts and so much more invaded my brain. The weird part is I could see each word forming the sentence in my mind. I have never ever been so in-tuned to something I was thinking. It was incredible how my brain was working. The more I stared the more I saw words like failure, stupid, not good, off key, messy, bad singer etc. I immediately began to feel so sad, why did I just do that to myself? It wasn't even done intentionally, it was like I had no control over my thoughts at that particular moment.

In that I went from super excited and thinking it was a wonderful opportunity to psyching myself out and thinking I wasn't and am not good enough. I forward the post to another friend and my message was "you'd be perfect for this :)" WHAT? What makes her perfect and not me? She's a better singer, she wouldn't mess up, she's perfect all the way around. So why not? However, this is the same person that tells me every time she sees me that she loves my voice, she loves my tone, she loves how I can smile while I am singing, how I display emotion etc, but to me....she's a beautiful and talented singer and I can't hold a candle to her.

I continually sabotage myself, and shoot myself in the foot every time. I actually was once upon a time in the studio recording an album. I stopped because I said no one would buy it, why waste my time, energy and possibly money for nothing? I know somewhere in my heart this is not true but it's what I think sometimes. It's terrible the way I think of myself, I am incredibly hard on myself and there isn't necessarily a real reason why. I think I beat myself up first so that when someone else does it won't sting as bad. I was that girl that was told by people in my life that I would never be anything, that I would never amount to anything, that I couldn't sing, that I was weird, too tall, too fat, to big, not pretty enough blah blah blah, and a lot of that sticks with you when you are a child. This is how insecurity builds up in young women. We listen to the negative so much that when the positive comes along we don't know how to respond. We immediately shut it down and say something stupid like "they are just saying that to be nice, they don't mean it." Am I the only one that feels like this? 

Please don't get me wrong. I have people in my life that are my "biggest fans" they support me through and through. They whole heartedly believe in me and believe I can do this music thing and be successful. They continuously try to encourage me and push me to do what I LOVE to do, encouraging me to use my gift. I used to have someone text me or call me almost everyday asking me if I was back in the studio yet. It's a big deal to a lot of people, as it is to me as well I just only wish I believed like they do. They see something that I cannot see and unfortunately I am not quit sure yet how to see what they see short of me taking a leap of faith and just going for it. I still feel like that requires some sort of belief in myself....

Wanna hear (well read) something crazy? I felt like that with this blog thing, that I would not be successful in it, but for whatever reason I believed enough to do it and know that I could and would put in the work to make it as successful as it could be. Once my injury heals enough for me to dance on it I plain to start my own dancing class, teaching people how to shuffle aka line dance (electric slide, cupid shuffle, wobble etc) another passion of mine is shuffling I LOVE IT and I want to use that gift and help people learn the moves, anyways as nervous as I am to do that I believe it will be successful, I already have a lot of people interested in it. So I say all this to say that I don't have a problem stepping out, being a leader and taking initiative, taking that leap of faith. I don't have a problem airing it all out, showing my vulnerability and transparency etc but for whatever reason I am struggling with this music thing....

My Facebook status:

I just saw an amazing opportunity to do something and use one of the gifts God has given me and the longer I stared at it I psyched myself out of it. That just broke my heart :( #stupidinsecurities Why can't I believe in myself the way others believe in me? :'(

This really did break my heart. Why can't I believe in myself the way other's believe in me? Fear of letting them down, fear of failure, fear of being talked about, fear of being laughed at? Fear, fear, fear, fear, I know that I have not been given the spirit of fear well guess what? I am scared as hell....

One of my friends told me that this might be the task that I have to do in the fear, I have to walk this thing out scared and all because it HAS to be done. It has to, I even know this, there are no if, ands or butts about it, IT HAS TO BE DONE!! It is my task, my assignment, my calling, to sing. I think, dream, breathe, sleep, eat, and talk music, its my life and I love it. So I think maybe it's beneficial in some way for me to post this, like that so maybe I'll be held accountable or maybe someone will say I know how you feel, I've been there but I did X,Y & Z.....I don't know but I guess I felt like sharing my heart.

INSECURITIES SUCK!!!!

SS <3

Do you believe in yourself? Do you struggle with insecurity? Share your thoughts and comments below please!!

DISCLAIMER: Please do not think I am some psycho woman that needs help because I don't always believe in myself, it's mainly about this music that I have a hard time believing in myself about. I do not need to see someone about this, and I don't need to be on meds LOL....Just Sayin'

Kirk Franklin ~ Help me believe